Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
