Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
