Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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