Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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