sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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