Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why can't burritos get me drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
