She's JV to your varsity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
