ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
