he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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