It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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