i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
