i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
