last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
