Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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