I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
