So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
