New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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