absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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