u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
