I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
