If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
