i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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