they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
