My room smells like vodka and shame
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
