Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
