He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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