Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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