if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
