a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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