The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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