so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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