Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
