I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
