Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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