If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
