TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
