I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
