What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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