I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
