i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
