my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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