this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
