Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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