the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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