I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
