in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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