I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
