I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
