I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize