Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
