so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
