well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
