Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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