and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
