A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize