just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
