There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
40s are totally the cure
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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