I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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