Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize