My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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