Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
