office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
