I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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