So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
