why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize