I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i think i just lost a toe
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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