Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
