i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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