Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
