It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
