Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
