Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
