I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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