i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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