pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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