I hope mine doesn't look like that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
