Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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