Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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