I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize