Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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